So, it has been a few days since I have written anything due to the passing of my grandfather. It still ahs not sunken in and I'm afraid it won't for a very long time. The subject is very hard for me to verbalize but I feel if I write it out, it may help just a bit. So, here it goes.....

My grandfather was diagnosed with bone cancer about a year ago. They really didn't get him llong to live but he really did better than anyone had anticipated. My grandfather has been and probably will always be the srtongest man that I know. His story is a true rags to riches tale.

Gerald Eugene Johnson was born in a small town in Arkansas. His family farmed and did not have much money. I know at one point their house burnt down and so they lived in a chicken coop. I can still remember stories about my grandfather about being embarassed at school bus he had to eat ham and did not have bologna like everyone else. So he use to hide in corners while he ate his lunch. Well, later on in his teen years, he entered a contest at the local fair wiht his hog. His hog won and his prize waas that he got a scholarship to the university of Arkansas. Without this scholarship, he never would have been able to go to school. He went and later on got into medical school which is a whole nother story in itself. But he went to med school, and was later on relocated to Winchester, TN. He was a doctor/surgeon for 42 years. In those 42 years my grandfather did some remarkable things. No he didn't invent things or become famous but he did put reassurance into patients, save lives, and instilled values into his family. My grandfather worked for everthing he had and taught his 4 sons that aswell who turned to their kids (me and the others) and taught them the same thing. It's so funny that he had so many things that he had worked for but it was the simple things that he cared about. Like the Braves, white beans, and his hunting dogs.

When my dad called me with the news, I broke. I have never lost anyone inside my circle before. My circle is now broken and I don't know quite how to deal. All I can think of is that I don't have my grandfather here to make me watch sports and my little grandmother is all alone. I tried so hard to keep it all together while I was at home. I did pretty well but I could absolutely not think about the situation. A huge part of it was that I didn't have any closure. My grandfather donated his body to science so we really didn't get to say good bye. However I am left with a really good memory from the last time I saw him. I just hate that it came to soon. I have honestly never felt so heart broken before in my life. My heart hurts for my family. We all lost a very important person in our life. I stayed with my grandmother after all the family had left so that she wouldn't be alone. I cried myself to sleep thinking that she was in a bed all alone for the first time in 53 years. We went to the grocery store and went for the bananas and realized she only needed 1 or 2. I held back the tears there but they are most certainly streaming now. I hated to leave my grandmother alone. She is the person I look up to most. I only hope to have half as much class, grace, and strength as she posesses. I can only pray that the transition is one that isn't too hard or painful.

So I ask everone who is reading this to please keep my family (especially my grandmother) in your thoughts and prayers. I will hopefully have more to write soon. It just won't be the same.